I vowed never to forgive Jesus
27th of March 2013, was the day I chose to liberate myself from his religious shackles.
I made a firm decision never to step my foot within the radius of any church building.
3 months after I renounced my loyalty to Jesus, I was popularly known as "The Brutal Agnostic" among my fellow law coursemates.
The heat of my rage for God and the Christian faith was felt by any "Church-cophant" that crossed my way. They did all to avoid me, the sting of my intellectual venom was poisonous enough to make the average believer question their faith in Jesus.
I can't forget the incident that happened during my 3rd year on campus.
We just finished our first lecture for the day when this thick lady walked into the lecture theater to preach.
It was her boldness for me
Before I released my missile, I gave her the grace of 2 minutes to spit out her religious jargon.
"Hello young lady, please I have a question for you"
Half of the class roared in excitement as I interrupted her evangelical session. The moment they've been waiting for has arrived. 'The Agnostic queen ' was about to entertain them with her sarcastic punchline.
I started my question with my favorite line
" Why would a wise God take a dumb decision of sending his son to die when he could
simply kill the devil ?"
I watched in mockery as she stammered to give an answer
I threw some more tough questions to her as my friends laughed and hailed my name.
It was clear that she couldn't stand my devilish confrontation. I felt a bit sorry for her when she left the class with teary eyes. Her face was drenched in embarrassment.
"Well, that served her right, next time she wouldn't try that nonsense again in our lecture theater." muttered my friend.
I never knew the result of my action would come back hunting for me.
Two days after that incident, I boarded a commercial bus on my way back from school.
The conductor was just being unnecessarily arrogant. It got to a point where he attempted to slap a woman that sat beside me.
I couldn't take his ill attitude anymore so I rained some insults at him.
The bus got heated as we both engaged in a battle of words. Attempts from passengers to calm us down all proved abortive.
When we finally arrived at the last bus stop, I dipped my hands into my handbag to pay off the crazy conductor, but...
something seemed to be missing.
I couldn't find my purse!
"Omo, I don enter wahala be that how I wan take explain for this conductor now"
While I kept searching my bag, both the conductor and driver threatened to beat me up if I didn't produce their money.
There was no good Samaritan that came to my rescue. 'Everybody just dey minds their business'
"Wo, shey na you just the para for me inside the bus, now you no wan pay me my money, ahswer I go change am for you now"
You wouldn't believe what happened next.
This bloody conductor held my cloth from my neck not minding the fact that I'm a lady.
I couldn't believe this was happening to me.
I've never felt this embarrassed before.
My pride was broken, the only option I had left was to plead, but despite my plea, they weren't ready to give in.
"Hey what's going on here, Mr man abeg leave her cloth, you no know say na woman she be?"
Finally, someone came to my rescue.
I was more humbled when I turned to see the angel that came to my rescue ...
No no this can't be happening
This was the same lady I confronted in the lecture hall
I stood in embarrassment as she sought it out with the conductor and paid my T fair.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, these conductors can be so inhuman at times"
I felt a mixture of shame & relief as she gave me a tight hug and squeezed an N1000 note into my hands.
Why is this coming from the very lady I embarrassed in the lecture hall?
I wished it was a dream, I felt bad but
That incident kicked off my friendship with Charis.
It was difficult for people to comprehend how we were so close yet had opposing ideologies.
Charis was one of the nicest friends I've ever had. Although she made several attempts to lure me to church, my heart was unbending to her religious school of thought.
I was going through my WhatsApp status feed
when I came across this unconventional eflyer on her status. I found it weird for Charis to upload such, but on a closer look at the flyer, I could see it was still a church program
But who tags a church event
SWAGZ NITE...
This was weird and unbelievable,
but my inquisitive antenna was activated.
I had to know what these guys were up to.
Charis couldn't contain her excitement when I told her I would be coming to church for the swagz nite event.
I never knew I was about to get myself into trouble
Stepping into a church building after 6 years was meant to come with an awkward feeling, but strangely I kind of felt normal.
I still haven't forgiven Jesus, I just came in to check what his folks were up to with the swagger nite.
The atmosphere was energetic and filled with fun as the sessions were spiced with comedy, talent hunt, rap music, dance...
It was still Church tinz though, it was just Church unusual.
I was having a good time when the moment I had dreaded came.
The pastor came up on stage dressed in a funky style. I wasn't deceived, I knew he was into PREACH.
"I'm outta here"
I picked up my bag and stood to leave but charis held my hands and pleaded for me to wait till the end.
I was fond of being stubborn to charis not minding the fact that she was older than me in age. But somehow, I chose to obey her and stay.
As the pastor spoke, some questions filled my heart
"How come this preacher sounds like he knows my story"
"Why did he keep looking in my direction?"
Why did he keep repeating this phrase:
"Even if you've been raped and abused before, Jesus loves you"
Really! How dare he claims he loves me?
"Where was he when I was sexually molested by my Pastor 7 years ago?"
"How come he turned deaf when I screamed his name for help."
"This Pastor and his Jesus must be kidding tonight"
I'm not going to fall for such cheap propaganda
I tried my best to stiff my heart, but I couldn't explain how tears kept rolling from my eyes
My nakedness was laid bare, and the wound I'd been hiding for years was exposed before me.
I kept sobbing uncontrollably,
I couldn't wait for the altar call to be made, I rushed out before the pulpit and screamed the name of Jesus.
I was never strong,
I claimed to be a free thinker but I was living in the bondage of my own deception.
I had been living in a lie
My surrender to Jesus on that altar was the bedrock for my transformation.
I'm Joan Daniel, this is my story.
#kingdominsider
© Daniel Okafor
27th of March 2013, was the day I chose to liberate myself from his religious shackles.
I made a firm decision never to step my foot within the radius of any church building.
3 months after I renounced my loyalty to Jesus, I was popularly known as "The Brutal Agnostic" among my fellow law coursemates.
The heat of my rage for God and the Christian faith was felt by any "Church-cophant" that crossed my way. They did all to avoid me, the sting of my intellectual venom was poisonous enough to make the average believer question their faith in Jesus.
I can't forget the incident that happened during my 3rd year on campus.
We just finished our first lecture for the day when this thick lady walked into the lecture theater to preach.
It was her boldness for me
Before I released my missile, I gave her the grace of 2 minutes to spit out her religious jargon.
"Hello young lady, please I have a question for you"
Half of the class roared in excitement as I interrupted her evangelical session. The moment they've been waiting for has arrived. 'The Agnostic queen ' was about to entertain them with her sarcastic punchline.
I started my question with my favorite line
" Why would a wise God take a dumb decision of sending his son to die when he could
simply kill the devil ?"
I watched in mockery as she stammered to give an answer
I threw some more tough questions to her as my friends laughed and hailed my name.
It was clear that she couldn't stand my devilish confrontation. I felt a bit sorry for her when she left the class with teary eyes. Her face was drenched in embarrassment.
"Well, that served her right, next time she wouldn't try that nonsense again in our lecture theater." muttered my friend.
I never knew the result of my action would come back hunting for me.
Two days after that incident, I boarded a commercial bus on my way back from school.
The conductor was just being unnecessarily arrogant. It got to a point where he attempted to slap a woman that sat beside me.
I couldn't take his ill attitude anymore so I rained some insults at him.
The bus got heated as we both engaged in a battle of words. Attempts from passengers to calm us down all proved abortive.
When we finally arrived at the last bus stop, I dipped my hands into my handbag to pay off the crazy conductor, but...
something seemed to be missing.
I couldn't find my purse!
"Omo, I don enter wahala be that how I wan take explain for this conductor now"
While I kept searching my bag, both the conductor and driver threatened to beat me up if I didn't produce their money.
There was no good Samaritan that came to my rescue. 'Everybody just dey minds their business'
"Wo, shey na you just the para for me inside the bus, now you no wan pay me my money, ahswer I go change am for you now"
You wouldn't believe what happened next.
This bloody conductor held my cloth from my neck not minding the fact that I'm a lady.
I couldn't believe this was happening to me.
I've never felt this embarrassed before.
My pride was broken, the only option I had left was to plead, but despite my plea, they weren't ready to give in.
"Hey what's going on here, Mr man abeg leave her cloth, you no know say na woman she be?"
Finally, someone came to my rescue.
I was more humbled when I turned to see the angel that came to my rescue ...
No no this can't be happening
This was the same lady I confronted in the lecture hall
I stood in embarrassment as she sought it out with the conductor and paid my T fair.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, these conductors can be so inhuman at times"
I felt a mixture of shame & relief as she gave me a tight hug and squeezed an N1000 note into my hands.
Why is this coming from the very lady I embarrassed in the lecture hall?
I wished it was a dream, I felt bad but
That incident kicked off my friendship with Charis.
It was difficult for people to comprehend how we were so close yet had opposing ideologies.
Charis was one of the nicest friends I've ever had. Although she made several attempts to lure me to church, my heart was unbending to her religious school of thought.
I was going through my WhatsApp status feed
when I came across this unconventional eflyer on her status. I found it weird for Charis to upload such, but on a closer look at the flyer, I could see it was still a church program
But who tags a church event
SWAGZ NITE...
This was weird and unbelievable,
but my inquisitive antenna was activated.
I had to know what these guys were up to.
Charis couldn't contain her excitement when I told her I would be coming to church for the swagz nite event.
I never knew I was about to get myself into trouble
Stepping into a church building after 6 years was meant to come with an awkward feeling, but strangely I kind of felt normal.
I still haven't forgiven Jesus, I just came in to check what his folks were up to with the swagger nite.
The atmosphere was energetic and filled with fun as the sessions were spiced with comedy, talent hunt, rap music, dance...
It was still Church tinz though, it was just Church unusual.
I was having a good time when the moment I had dreaded came.
The pastor came up on stage dressed in a funky style. I wasn't deceived, I knew he was into PREACH.
"I'm outta here"
I picked up my bag and stood to leave but charis held my hands and pleaded for me to wait till the end.
I was fond of being stubborn to charis not minding the fact that she was older than me in age. But somehow, I chose to obey her and stay.
As the pastor spoke, some questions filled my heart
"How come this preacher sounds like he knows my story"
"Why did he keep looking in my direction?"
Why did he keep repeating this phrase:
"Even if you've been raped and abused before, Jesus loves you"
Really! How dare he claims he loves me?
"Where was he when I was sexually molested by my Pastor 7 years ago?"
"How come he turned deaf when I screamed his name for help."
"This Pastor and his Jesus must be kidding tonight"
I'm not going to fall for such cheap propaganda
I tried my best to stiff my heart, but I couldn't explain how tears kept rolling from my eyes
My nakedness was laid bare, and the wound I'd been hiding for years was exposed before me.
I kept sobbing uncontrollably,
I couldn't wait for the altar call to be made, I rushed out before the pulpit and screamed the name of Jesus.
I was never strong,
I claimed to be a free thinker but I was living in the bondage of my own deception.
I had been living in a lie
My surrender to Jesus on that altar was the bedrock for my transformation.
I'm Joan Daniel, this is my story.
#kingdominsider
© Daniel Okafor